Letting Go Of Your Approval Addiction

There’s something many of us are addicted to. It’s not social media or cell phones, it’s not caffeine, eating, shopping or even drama. It’s the need for approval.

For much of my life, I’ve felt this intense desire to please everyone. I’ve been afraid of what people think of me. Let’s be honest, we all want to be liked. We all want to be people pleasers. We all look externally at our friends or our boyfriend/girlfriend to stamp us with approval proclaiming we are worthy and special and we can therefore think highly of ourselves.

Imagine this: You go on several dates with a guy and he suddenly never calls you back, and you immediately blame yourself and think of all the reasons why his rejection means you’re not worth it. Also imagine the time your boyfriend or girlfriend (who didn’t actually treat you all that well) breaks up with you and you lose all pride and self-esteem because he or she didn’t want to be with you! Or you finally get an invite to hang out with the cool group after work, and at the end of the night, no one asks for your number or tries to build a friendship. You walk home feeling lame and unloved.

All of us can relate to one of the above scenarios, I know I sure can. The one thing each situation has in common is this horrible concept that you need the approval of others to feel good about yourself. So I pose these questions: Why do we let what others think control our self-worth? Why don’t we spend more time validating ourselves?

Eckhart Tolle said, “Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love – you have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.” Gosh, isn’t that the truth. You alone are enough. You have to decide to never again beg for the love or approval that you should be showing yourself.

If a guy or girl wants to leave, show him or her the dang door and smile as you show them out of your life. You are beautiful and so worth the person who will be utterly obsessed with you, and trust me, he or she is on the way. If a group of people won’t accept you as a friend, they’ll just never get to experience your treasure. The people who will love the real you are the people with whom you should be friends, anyway.

Rather than wondering if you are good enough for someone to love, you should love yourself so much that you will only accept someone who is worthy of your love. Instead of obsessing over the boy who didn’t like you or the girls who made you feel like you weren’t good enough, why don’t you obsess over the things you love about yourself?

I leave you with this: Love yourself like you’re not waiting for someone else to do it.